He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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