When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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