Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
