do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I did not marry a roomba.
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