Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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