It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
