Please, let me fuck your mom
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
