I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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