I want to make a zoo with you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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