Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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