It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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