That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
