at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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