I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
