Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
