yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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