Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
