You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
