I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize