i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize