It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
