HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
third nipple confirmed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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