we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
