I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
