I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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