ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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