batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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