Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
