Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this will be a night to untag.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
