I am spending my child support on dildos
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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