I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
