I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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