I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
