Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize