My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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