so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
