it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
