im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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