But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just wanna soil my oats bro
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
