the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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