i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
