dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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