we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
