Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
