Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think a kid would responsible me up
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
