Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
