We're like a lot better than the average bears
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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