You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
