We won't sleep together?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
