Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
