"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
