i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize