Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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