Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize