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Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize