Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
