I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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