I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
