omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
