ugly people sure do ruin things
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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