but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
