i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
