We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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