I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
