I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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