party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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