WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
