you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
