He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
