You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
