I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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