Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i believe in u and ur pee
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
