I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize