Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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