My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My legs feel like baby dolphins
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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