Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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