NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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