This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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