So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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