I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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