I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
