Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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