I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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