on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
