apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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