When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize