So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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