i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
