hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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