i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
