I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
