official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
