Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She told me I should be a condom model.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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