I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
