Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Randomize
