How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
