hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize