I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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