Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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