Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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