next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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