They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
