My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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