ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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