handjob tips. give me some.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
