I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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