This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
