Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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