I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
3 2 1 whiskey
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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