This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
