Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
